Constantly raining...

Decisions decisions
The decision of 2008

After being an escapee of the harsh realities of the wipe out of XX collegeS type pple into XX's land's Medical School, its time to decide to join them or not.

Scarred since high school, the constant degredation, the constant academic comparison, the constant "basically, hmm u dont have the grades so buzz off, you don't have any chance" attitude.

I am an escappee of the Singapore system for 7 years and running now.
I feel small compared to these people, I feel inadequate, I feel I'm not good enough.
Imagine working with people that I've once been judged as inadequate when compared to them
Imagine being judged against these people who's been deemed superior

S-C-A-R-Y
I feel small and intimidated
I feel like pee-ing like a little girl into my pants

Dont get me wrong, I love home
I want to go home
I really do.
Home is an eventual thing.
When. Is the question.

To prolong my escapee-ism to 8 years or leave it at 7.

I want to go home
To prove my previous @$@#$ teachers wrong
To prove myself wrong
That an education worth 300K has made me as good as
Or if not better than those formerly deemed better than me.

I have the thoughts to, but lack the guts to.
I think I should be on par, in fact I think I could potentially be better.
I dont know.

First things first, I'm scared, scared, scared
To re-live those moments in high school
Where you suffocate gently, you feel small
When no one believes you can/could ever make it
When basically, u're hopeless cos that Maths grade in the report card was never not red.
Or when u couldn't (more like DID NOT qualify) to do that higher standard of Mother tongue.

Home in 09 or 10?
Decisions.